wholesome laughter

I can't stand it anymore. I am so completely wholesomely intoxicated by words. By words and sentences and wisdom and intellect and knowledge. So I have to share. I want to share this feeling of the need to learn and study and know. Sitting in my observation classes, I look around at the students and their drowsy eyes and perpetually drooping heads, disinterested, disillusioned, disconnected. And then there is me, wanting to answer the questions and lead the discussions and know more more more. But instead I'd rather just sit and observe, take my notes and keep my thoughts silent.

I have come upon the phenomenon of short stories. Ellen Gilchrist's Drunk With Love. Stories of life and love and everything in between. The irony of loving one but ending up with another. The irony of loving one and them hitting you, abuse and pain. These stories are very simply written and just when I am the most unaware, I stumble on a beautiful tidbit jewel. A graceful sentence with all the right words and all the right meanings. That's what a short story is. All the other text to read is worth it. An entire book of reading is worth it to find just one sentence of brilliancy. I wish I can write like that. Except maybe all of my sentences beautiful and special. Someday I will write a book of short stories.

And the words that she uses! Such words like "solar plexis" and "bordello" and who uses such words? Everything is so clean and simple and BAM suddenly a strange word. It's very intoxicating indeed. And forever does she speak of laughter. All her characters are always laughing or giggling. I think it's a symbol of reassurance, that everything will be ok.

And you know, I do think it will be ok. It won't be according to what was planned, no, but then again it never is. Different is good. Change is good. And it will all be ok.