wholesome laughter

I can't stand it anymore. I am so completely wholesomely intoxicated by words. By words and sentences and wisdom and intellect and knowledge. So I have to share. I want to share this feeling of the need to learn and study and know. Sitting in my observation classes, I look around at the students and their drowsy eyes and perpetually drooping heads, disinterested, disillusioned, disconnected. And then there is me, wanting to answer the questions and lead the discussions and know more more more. But instead I'd rather just sit and observe, take my notes and keep my thoughts silent.

I have come upon the phenomenon of short stories. Ellen Gilchrist's Drunk With Love. Stories of life and love and everything in between. The irony of loving one but ending up with another. The irony of loving one and them hitting you, abuse and pain. These stories are very simply written and just when I am the most unaware, I stumble on a beautiful tidbit jewel. A graceful sentence with all the right words and all the right meanings. That's what a short story is. All the other text to read is worth it. An entire book of reading is worth it to find just one sentence of brilliancy. I wish I can write like that. Except maybe all of my sentences beautiful and special. Someday I will write a book of short stories.

And the words that she uses! Such words like "solar plexis" and "bordello" and who uses such words? Everything is so clean and simple and BAM suddenly a strange word. It's very intoxicating indeed. And forever does she speak of laughter. All her characters are always laughing or giggling. I think it's a symbol of reassurance, that everything will be ok.

And you know, I do think it will be ok. It won't be according to what was planned, no, but then again it never is. Different is good. Change is good. And it will all be ok.

yeah yeah yeah

Everything has been ok up until this point. Maybe it's just the early morning and I haven't woke up this early in a couple of weeks. But I have a bad feeling...a sinking feeling. As if maybe I've done something wrong. But all I've been doing is homework homework and some little inbetween. Stress? Shouldn't be-as I no longer have a job and should be enjoying the initial full benefits of unemployment. It's just....something.

The weather hasn't gotten any better. Still dreary, raining, and cold. That's ok, for the most part. The music is good. The food is good (maybe a little too good). And the love is the best. Yet...there's something. Well watch I'll come back today and feel as happy as ever! I hope

appropriate timing

Well,
today I got fired.
the End

dub

My parents are always complaining how I'm almost never home. These last two or three weeks I might have slept in my own bed an average of 3/7 times per week, but as I sit here now, at home, I am reminded why I am never home: it's boring! I finally awoke/dragged myself out of bed at 9:50, ate breakfast while reading the paper. I took a shower, folded some laundry, did some school-associated paper, and am now twiddling my thumbs with what else to do. Oh granted I've kept myself somewhat amused :adding songs to itunes, drawing a little "gentleman devil" picture, and am now considering taking my doggie on a walk- I find myself astoundingly society-orientated. It seems that I much prefer the company of friends and loved ones, or even work, than being bymyself. Dear friends, there was once a time that I was as perfectly amiable on my own, as with others.

Anyways, as mentioned before I am waiting for my evening class that starts at 5 (my first evening class). It's an education class recommended for future teachers. It should be very interesting. I'm also in Fiction Writing, and Music Appreciation, which I hope is more wide-spread in musical tastes than History of Music. I wish I could've taken astronomy or geology or something like that but it didn't fit with my schedule.

Lasher proves to be very interesting. I'm also reading Pier's Anthony Hope of Earth, a series of short stories using the same clan characters representing the evolution of man through their activities and such.

I've really been into reggae lately. I got a compilation called "dubwise and otherwise" and just added dual discs of sublime:gold. It really relaxes me. I'm looking forward to the next couple of months: they're very busy! Did you know THREE of my friends are getting married this year?? I'm willing to wait, of course, for the RIGHT ONE, but I wish he would hurry up...I like the thought of getting married young. I've also got the ladytron and then children of bodom concerts, of which I hope I can both attend.

I had a bit of a scare friday morning. Thursday I was out with friends, had a couple of drinks, and although myself and others feel it's connected, telling the situation with my doctor on the phone she said it was purely health related..but I fainted twice. It was a horrendously uncomfortable and horrible feeling. I hope it doesn't happen again, but my parents are pressing me to get a checkup, which is smart, seeing as it might be connected to be abnormal heart palpitation spells and crazy fast heart beat (103 compared to my mom's 65). Thus it might happen again =/. I fainted the first time ON the stairs and thankfully Anthony caught me and held me up so I wouldn't fall down them. I woke up with my head facing towards the bottom and my legs somewhere near the top, I was so disoriented and felt sick that I wanted to be near a toilet. After the stairs the bathroom is just 4 steps away and yet I fainted yet again. I hit my head the metal part of the shower rolling-glass, slammed my hip into the side and fell halfway into the tub. I had a nasty cut which surprisingly didn't bleed as much as it should have. Poor A was so freaked he was shouting all sorts of obscenities and running around looking for bandaids and put me straightaway to bed. Overall it was a sg=hocking experience. I could've done without it, but secretly I think it brought us even closer together.

Anyways off to go take that walk