I keep having these dreams that involve depressing situations with the new boy. Like last night [my dream], he couldn't find a utensil of love [condom] so tried using a plastic bag. Come on guy, just give it a rest. So he leaves my room full-on naked to use the restroom and runs into my mum [who doesn't know we are having sex but probably suspects anyway] and she finds out and I am emotional, obviously. But he doesn't care so I ask if I mean anything more than a fuck buddy [and I distinctly recall this part of the dream] "except buddy would be pushing it since you don't seem to regard me in that matter either!" And he just nods and says that he is basically using me just to fulfill his carnal needs.
In reality I know this is not true. I know with all my heart. And I am not one to pay attention to any of my dreams because they are both random, colorful, and pretty fucking far out there. But this is definitely not the first of these dreams I have been having. These dreams that his and my relationship is wrong...that in the end I end up unhappy. Is this some sort of cosmic sign? Am I going to hell for dating this poor boy? As a matter of fact, after I woke up, not witholding, a little teary-eyed, as soon as I fell asleep had yet another dream of neglect and neutrality on his part.
Well, if my dreams haunt me, then let me stay awake since reality is much more delicious than my dreams. Ironic, because in books and movies it seems to be the other way around. So maybe I am blessed?
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